Final Boarding Call: Humor for All Airline Travelers

Flying on an airplane can be one of the most fascinating and exciting things you do in your life--but it can also be your worst nightmare.  There is nothing that can turn your relaxing flight into high stress quicker than turbulence, a screaming child or stale peanuts given by not so customer friendly flight attendants. Despite these rare setbacks at the end of the day air travel is still America's favorite means of transportation. Here is some flying humor sure to keep even the most seasoned flyers in high spirits.

Airline Announcements:

1. United Flight Attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

2. On landing, the FLIGHT ATTENDANT said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

 

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St. Patrick's Day Humor & Irish Sayings

holidays st patricks day

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On St. Patrick's Day, everyone is Irish for the day.  So this year make sure you're full of Irish humor and sayings! Here are some of our favorites for you. Happy St. Patrick's Day!

"St. Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, is one of Christianity’s most widely known figures. But for all of his prevalence in culture, namely the holiday held on the day of his death that bears his name, his life remains somewhat of a mystery." Learn more @ History..com "St. Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, is one of Christianity’s most widely known figures. But for all of his prevalence in culture—namely the holiday held on the day of his death that bears his name—his life remains somewhat of a mystery."

Enjoy -

Humor for kids:

 

1. What do you call a fake rock in Ireland?
      -A Sham Rock

 

2. When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato?     
     -
When it is a FRENCH fry!

 

3. Why shouldn’t you iron a 4-leaf clover?

      -Because you don’t want to press your luck!

 

4. Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?

      -Because they are always a little short.

 

5. What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick’s Day?    
     -Santa O'Claus
 

 

6. Do leprechauns make good secretaries?

      -Yes, because they are great at short hand.

 

7. Why was the Irish river so rich?

      -Because it had 2 banks.

 

8. Do leprechauns get angry when you make fun of their height?

      -Only a little!

 

Irish Jokes:

 

1. An American lawyer asked, "Paddy, why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he answers with another question? "Who told you that?" asked Paddy.

 

2. Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty." "That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"

 

3. Slaney phoned the maternity ward at the hospital. "Quick!" He said. "Send an ambulance, my wife is goin' to have a baby!" "Tell me, is this her first baby?" the intern asked. "No, this is her husband, Kevin, speakin'."

 

4. A Kerryman rang Aer Lingus and asked how long it took to fly from Dublin to London.
   "Just a minute sir," said the girl on the desk.
   "Thank you," said the Kerryman and hung up.

 

5. A fellow walked into a bar in Dublin and asked the barman if he had heard the latest Kerryman joke,
    "I'm warning you," said the barman, "I'm a Kerryman myself."
    "That's allright," said the fellow, "I'll tell it slowly."

 

6. A man hired a Kerryman as an assistant to take phone calls. One day the phone rang and when the Kerryman answered he hung up immediately.
    "Who was that?" asked his boss.
    "Some fool saying it was a long distance from New York. I told him everybody knew that."

 

Irish Sayings:

 

1. May you be afflicted with the itch and have no nails to scratch with!
    -Irish Curse

2. Here's to your roof,
    may it be well thatched
    And here's to all
    under it -
    May they be
    well matched.
    -Irish Toast

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A Sign of the Times

As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"

The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"

There Is Something For Everyone In Texas

Texas has something for everyone.  It is the second largest state in the USA. 

 

Need to be cheered up?:
Happy, Texas 79042
Pep, Texas 79353
Smiley, Texas 78159
Paradise, Texas 76073
Rainbow, Texas 76077
Sweet Home, Texas 77987
Comfort, Texas 78013
Friendship, Texas 76530

Love the Sun:
Sun City, Texas 78628
Sunrise, Texas 76661
Sunset, Texas 76270
Sundown, Texas 79372
Sunray, Texas 79086
Sunny Side, Texas 77423

Read more: There Is Something For Everyone In Texas

All I Needed to Know About Life I learned from Santa

Encourage people to believe in you. 

Always remember who's naughty and who's nice. 

Don't pout. 

Read more: All I Needed to Know About Life I learned from Santa